Seven uncommon ways that exceptional leaders communicate

Paul Aladenika
4 min readOct 5, 2024

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Image courtesy of Microsoft Co-pilot

If I were to ask you to mention some of the characteristics of exceptional communication, how would you respond? Would you mention powerful oratory or succinct jargon free language? Perhaps you might highlight the ability to tailor messages in ways that are audience appropriate or the skill of demonstrating empathy and compassion?

Yes, all the above are evidence of exceptional communication. However, as is so often the case, the thing that sets apart the good from the great are the fine margins, the unploughed furrows or what I prefer to describe as ‘uncommon wisdom’. With exceptional leaders and communication, ‘uncommon wisdom’ is the default when powerful oratory, jargon free language and all the other competencies won’t cut it. Indeed, it does not just separate the good from the great, it stops the good from ever becoming great.

Let’s explore. Set out below are seven uncommon ways that exceptional leaders communicate.

1. They never look down

Looking down has to do with the difference in hierarchy not height. When a leader ‘looks down’ on a subordinate, they male a clear value statement, which sets the tone for that relationship ie: ‘don’t speak unless you are spoken to’ or ‘do what I tell you without question’. Exceptional leaders flip this paradigm on its head, because you will never hear them use any of these condescending or belittling references when speaking to subordinates. Instead, they encourage free thought and a healthy exchange of ideas. They communicate in ways that show how much value they place in others.

2. They listen with their eyes

Leaders often fail to realise that communication is whole body function. As such, it is no exaggeration to say that eyes can be a window into an individual’s personality. Eyes can communicate interest, intensity, boredom, incredulity and outright sarcasm. Leaders who have mastered the art of communicating with their eyes, perfectly understand the power of a fleeting glance, a dismissive side-eye and a penetrating stare. For exceptional leaders, this understanding is used intentionally and tactically, to build confidence, win trust and exert influence.

3. They are fluent in the language of strategic silence

If you learn to be silent when you want to speak, then you won’t speak when you need to be silent. It could be a pause in a sentence to emphasise a point, it could be the paucity of words used in a discussion or it could be outright silence, when others expect you to speak. Whichever it is, strategic silence, when deployed at the right moment can be extremely powerful. When leaders master the art of silence, it is because they recognise that the most effective impact is a lasting impression. So often this is accomplished by doing what people do not anticipate, not what they have come to expect.

4. They bare their souls

When people think of leaders, it is all to easy to have an image of the superhero, able to scale tall buildings, or emerge unscathed from catastrophe. Whilst that image might be perfect for the box office, it bears not semblance with reality. Leaders who bare their souls communicate not just their vulnerability, but also their humanity. If leadership is about anything, it is about relationship and connection. People are more likely to relate to and connect with someone who has the same faults and failings as they do, as one who presents a varnished image of themselves.

5. They always travel with you not behind you

There is an important point here about the language of positional leadership. Of course, there are times when leaders need to lead from the back. Doing so enables them to nurture and cultivate the leadership capability of others. However, when a leader is always to be found leading from behind and never from the front or at the front, there is a problem. Positional leadership communicates a shared sense of responsibility, accountability and acceptance of risk. Exceptional leaders know where to place themselves and are clear about the message they need to convey.

6. They are tea-makers

I once worked with a manager who always had a cup of tea brought to him by a subordinate. I do not think this was an expectation, but rather a ritual that had developed over time. Notwithstanding, it left me with a lasting question about how differently that manager might have been perceived had they regularly made tea for their subordinate instead. Clearly, this is not about tea, but rather an important reminder that the role of the leader is to serve others, not for others to serve them. Exceptional leaders understand that little things can communicate a lot.

7. They understand the power of personas

A persona is an image. When people project a persona, it is to create an impression. To that extent, the very act of projection is a form of communication. Under normal circumstances, image projection is a highly undesirable leadership behaviour. However, there are occasions, when it is essential and even critical. In time of high risk, leaders must be adept at communicating through multiple personas whether that be courage, when they are fearful, boldness, when they are timid and decisiveness, even when unsure. They recognise that, as a leader, it is not how you feel that matters, it is what people expect that counts.

In leadership, effective communication is a multi-layered labyrinth. Exceptional leaders understand this and are intentional in their efforts to communicate well. They recognise that communication is not just what you say and how you say it, but more importantly whether you need say it at all. They understand that what works best within group settings may be the worst possible option in one-to-ones. Finally, they see effective communication, not just as a critical means for developing others, but as a defining measure of themselves.

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Paul Aladenika

Believer, TEDx speaker, host of The 11th Thing Podcast, blogger, mentor, student of leadership, social economist & thinker. Creator of www.believernomics.com .