The secret science of vulnerable leadership: seven principles for leaders
In word association, vulnerability and leadership are seldom mentioned in the same sentence. After all, the tough, uncompromising and unforgiving world within which leaders inhabit requires toughness, strength and even ruthlessness. Faced with such challenges, leaders cannot afford to be vulnerable. Surely, vulnerability is evidence of weakness, incapability and incompetence.
Well, that’s certainly one perspective, but here’s my take; if you want to get into the depth and breadth of leadership, you must understand the extent to which leaders need to be vulnerable. It is also important to note that vulnerability is not the same as being earnest or even sincere. Rather it is a genuine expression of leadership character and personality.
Therefore, when thinking about strength, toughness and even ruthlessness, it is not that vulnerability is none of those things, it is all of them. As someone that I deeply respect once said to me: “you can be strong and cry”.
Set out below is ‘the secret science of vulnerable leadership: seven lessons for leaders’.
1. The fallibility principle
The point here is not whether leaders cannot make mistakes, but rather the relationship that they have with their mistakes. They see their fallibility as a learning opportunity, not a judgment on their competence. To that extent, the fallibility principle demonstrates the level of maturity to which a leader has developed. Contrary to conventional logic it also reveals their mental strength and toughness of character. This is because, in high-pressure environments where error can be career defining, it can be so much easier to deny mistakes than to acknowledge them.
2. The revelation principle
Leadership vulnerability requires revelation. Even so, a leader who feels the need to unburden themselves of any thought in the desire to be ‘authentic’ or to gain the respect and admiration of their colleagues, should think again. With revelation, the key is not how much you share, but what you share and who you share it with. In leadership, revelation should always be used tactically and strategically. When leaders apply this principle most effectively, they do so on a need-to-know basis. Ultimately, revelation is for inspiration and motivation, not titillation.
3. The unfamiliarity principle
Unfamiliarity can be extremely disorientating and even disconcerting. The scale and scope of these effects on an individual can differ depending on a leader’s personality. For those who enjoy control, a lack of expertise can leave them feeling exposed or inadequate. Similarly, the social effects can be different for introverts compared to extroverts, with the former perhaps more likely to see their new situation as a challenge and the latter more of an opportunity. The key to note is that when leaders embrace the vulnerability of unfamiliarity, they can be more adaptive and effective.
4. The surrender principle
The term surrender evokes powerful and unsettling images. After all, you only surrender to a conqueror or victor, and no-one wants to be conquered or vanquished. When a leader surrenders, they don’t just put their ambitions and aspirations on hold, they are willing to give them up altogether for the greater good. It is this sense of loss that makes surrender one of the most difficult, but necessary aspects of vulnerability for leaders to embrace. Without exception or exaggeration, it is impossible for a leader to serve effectively until they have come to a reckoning with surrender.
5. The submission principle
If for years you have eaten at the top table, with the great and the good, and suddenly find yourself eating scraps from a paper plate, with the hired help, would you accept it? For some, this level of vulnerability would be too much for their fragile egos to tolerate. For others, submission is not just a requirement of them, it is also an example to everyone else. At the heart of submission is obedience and at the heart of that is a willingness to accept what you are given and do what you are told. As a leader, you do not have to like your superiors any more than your subordinates need to like you.
6. The deficiency principle
Every leader is deficient in some respect. It is how leaders respond to their deficiencies that reveals their strength of character. For some, this vulnerability can be stressful, anxiety-inducing and leave them feeling inadequate. Leaders who respond in this way are inclined to cover-up or over-compensate for their deficiencies. By contrast, those who are comfortable with their deficiencies understand that perfection is not a prerequisite of leadership. For these individuals, vulnerability is an opportunity to be as honest with others, as they are with themselves.
7. The replacement principle
It can be hard for a leader to accept that they are ultimately replaceable. The idea that one could be replaced, not only makes clear that no-one is indispensable, but for some it can also create a sense of deep insecurity. While the experience of such a vulnerability is normal, leaders can deal with this in different ways. Mature leaders come to terms with this reality quickly and are more likely to be found recruiting their successor, than lamenting their fate. They understand that whilst the function of leadership must go on, those in leadership do not.
Vulnerability is the backbone of leadership. This assertion is in stark contrast to the prevailing narrative, which often equates the attribute of vulnerability with fragility, flakiness and frailty. As this blog makes clear, the strongest, toughest and most resilient leaders are vulnerable leaders. Far from the performative, ego-driven superficiality that is served up in many organisations, vulnerability reveals the true character and personality of a leader.
